June Weddings hold a special place in the mythology of love and romance.
The bride is always radiant, stunning in her flowing
white gown. Her groom is nervous yet eager and attentive. Each seems
literally enthralled with the other. Long gazes into their beloved’s eyes.
They have fallen for one other. She has got him under her spell. He has
swept her off her feet. They are entranced by their love and intimacy.
You might say they are hypnotized by each other.
They are about to enter that wonderful walking-on-air time that we call a
honeymoon.
The First Honeymoon
In her eyes, he can do no wrong. In his, she is perfection incarnate. The
casual way she leaves her clothes on the floor charms him. She is so unlike
other women who concentrate too much on neatness. His fascination with
televised football games is cute. He is such a man when it comes to his
games. They are in love on a pink cloud of intimacy, discovery and sharing.
Unfortunately, for many married couples, this honeymoon is a short-term
event. Sometimes very short indeed. Life has a way of sobering up even the
most passionately "in love" people. Sooner or later he stops being charmed
by her casual attitude toward neatness and begins to resent picking up after
her. She gets tired of watching him watch televised sports and calls herself
a football widow. She starts spending Sundays at her mothers.
This doesn’t mean the love is gone. If the marriage is fundamentally sound,
a deeper working partnership is developing. And these issues can be worked
out. Compromise and change are possible when both parties are willing to
make the marriage work. As Antonine de Saint-Expupery, a French writer, said
"Love does not consist in gazing art each other, but in looking outward
together in the same direction."
But, nevertheless, the honeymoon trance is broken.
People begin to "act married." They take each other for granted and wonder
where the magic has gone. Sadly, there is even an expectation in our culture
that this is natural. This belief that honeymoons can’t last becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy. And that is a pity because romantic love can be
one of life’s greatest joys and it certainly contributes to a happy and
lasting marriage.
Fortunately we all know some couples who seem to keep the honeymoon magic
alive. Through children, jobs, sickness and petty disagreements, they manage
from time to time to rediscover that blissful entranced state.
Looking at their success from the principles of hypnosis and the power of
suggestion, I see a couple of common elements.
Bringing Back That Loving Feeling
It is obvious that romantic love requires certain conditions in order to
thrive.
A
honeymoon must begin with a physical and emotional attraction. They have to
be draw together on both levels. There also has to be an interest in finding
out everything about the other, an appreciation of the "otherness" of the
other. Call it an element of mystery, intrigue, or unexplored depth. There
must be an exciting sense of each lover discovering the other for there to
be a true honeymoon. To complete the stage setting, the couple must be
conversant in the language of courtship, both verbal and non-verbal
communication.
Let us assume that a strong physical and emotional attraction exists as a
base to build upon.
But the art of honeymooning requires more than love and desire. It is also
necessary that the partners like each other as people, as friends for a
long-term romance to thrive. To sustain this in a marriage requires what I
will call "selective attention."
Romance cannot survive where there are deep-seated grudges. Anger demands
expression then, not love. My mother-in-law’s only marital advice was that a
husband and wife should never go to bed angry with each other. A very sound
principle. Once lovers (married or otherwise) begin collecting evidence
against each other for the other’s shortcomings, they are proving to
themselves that their significant other is not worthy. He or she is no
longer Mr. or Ms Right, but Mr. or Ms. Whom I Must Make Do With. They begin
to relate to them as such and find more and more evidence to document a view
of their spouse’s inadequacy. This is largely a subconscious function. The
subconscious operates by deductive reasoning. If the subconscious mind has
an image of a person as being a certain way, it will look for evidence to
prove it is so. It will also discard or minimize evidence to the contrary.
It loves to be right, even at the cost of a deadened emotional life.
To keep the honeymoon alive, it is necessary to make a conscious effort to
battle this tendency. How? It’s simple but not necessarily easy. Just make
up your mind to focus on what you like about your spouse and minimize what
you don’t like. I am not saying you should ignore important issues. But
consider the wisdom if it is not a major, unforgivable, potentially
marriage-busting issue of making it a policy to work the problem out in a
way that leaves both individuals with respect for themselves and for each
other. Reserve your energy for appreciating your spouse’s good and
attractive qualities.
This is selective attention and, yes; it could be called a form of
self-hypnosis. But it works. Harboring resentments and building a negative
image of a spouse is equally a form of selective attention. However it is
destructive process that does
no one any good and is guaranteed to destroy romance and marriages.
Fall
in Love with Someone New
When we make up our minds that we know exactly how our husband or wife is
without room for deviation, there is no longer any uncertainty to hold our
attention. They are like a mystery book that we have already read. We
eliminate the element of pleasant surprise that characterizes courtship.
What’s more we actually inhibit the other’s ability to change, grow and try
new behaviors
The cure for this is to make another conscious effort to allow your husband
or wife to change, to grow, in a sense, to become new. Rather than insist
that he or she be the same today that they were yesterday in every aspect of
behavior, give them the freedom to become someone new. If you both give each
other this gift you will be delighted at the freshness and excitement that
it provides.
The final condition for a sustained honeymoon is mastery of the language of
love. Both
partners must hear and feel the other’s emotion and intention for the
communication to be complete. Physical intimacy is just one part of it.
There are limitless ways that lovers communicate with each other. Small
kindnesses. Gentle touches. Special gestures. A single rose given simply to
say I love you is an eloquent example of love language so is a favorite meal
cooked for no reason or a quiet hug. The vocabulary of the language of love
is well known. But its grammar is the intention to really be with the loved
one.
There is no doubt that it is easy for people caught up in the demands of
family, kids, work and just plain living to fail to have time left over for
their spouse.
But it is an equally simple matter to choose to act as if you are on a
honeymoon whenever you can. You don’t have to get on a plane and go
somewhere. All you have to do is take the time to really be with the one you
love.
How hypnosis can help
Hypnosis can help make your relationship
magical again in several powerful ways. First, you can use hypnosis and
creative imagery to forgive your partner for the past, to let go of blame
and resentment that has been tearing your relationship down. You may have
forgiven them consciously. Hypnosis can help you truly let go of the burden
of blame, consciously and subconsciously.
You can also use hypnosis and creative
visualization to focus your attention on the good qualities of your partner.
Those that attracted you to them in the first place and the ones they have
today that you may have been taking for granted.
And, yes, hypnosis can even rekindle
passion.
Scheduling Instructions
To schedule
your first hypnosis appointment or arrange a free 15-20 minute consultation to
see whether hypnosis is right for you, click the new client intake form: New Hypnosis Client Intake Form
June Weddings hold a special place in the mythology of love and romance.