Everyone has at least
one oppressive habit from which he or she would like to break free. Smoking.
Overeating. Drinking too much. Overspending. Exercising too little.
These private
tyrants can be every bit as damaging to our happiness as King George’s
treatment of the colonies. They reduce our strength, consume our resources
and limit our growth.
As we celebrate our
nation’s independence next July, it might be wise to let the spirit of the
holiday inspire us to declare our independence from our habits that enslave
us. After all, independence is the same concept whether applied to
personal dependencies or to the life of a nation. If you look closely, you
will see that national and personal freedom have some interesting parallels.
To begin with, the
Declaration of Independence was not a spur of the moment decision. As its
text points out "mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are
sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they
are accustomed." There was a lot of suffering that loosened the yoke of
British power in colonial America. With the "Intolerable Acts" and other
abuses, the colonial leaders gradually came to believe that the evils of
British rule had become insufferable. Only then did they give up trying to
compromise and declare independence. As they wrote, "Our repeated Petitions
have been answered within repeated inquiries." Their only choice was
revolution.
This desperate
emotion is known as "hitting bottom" when it starts a personal revolution to
free us from victimization by our unhealthy habits. Any important change
requires a strong emotional commitment. A person must accept the
unacceptability of the habit. They must also be angry enough to do something
about it. Occasionally, I see people in my hypnotherapy practice who think
they should quit smoking, stop drinking, start exercising or make any of a
dozen other habit changes without this gift of desperation. They aren’t
happy about the problem. But they are not sick and tired enough to do
something about it. Like the loyalists during the revolution, they still
cling to their habit as a comforter, friend or just part of the way they
are. No one makes a significant change in their life because other people
think they should. We must be the ones to take a stand for our own health
and wellbeing. No one else can do it for us. The colonists had to do it for
themselves. So do we.
A distinguishing
feature of the US Declaration of Independence is that it not only ended
something (British rule), but also introduced a new idea into world
consciousness. The vision was, is, and hopefully will always be "that all
men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of
Happiness" and that governments derive their "just power from the consent of
the governed" opened up new, and very exciting, possibilities for all
humankind. The Patriots weren’t only fighting for an end to abusive
domination by men in red coats from across the ocean; they were fighting for
an ideal. This added dimension made the American Revolution a cause worth
dying and living for. Though the Declaration of Independence mentioned
numerous grievances, its significant legacy is the ideals that still inspire
Americans today.
It is very
important when starting a personal revolution that you develop this added
dimension. You don’t want to quit something. You want to see yourself as
becoming something new and better. We experience quitting something we think
we like (e.g. smoking, overeating, drinking alcohol, and taking drugs) as
deprivation. And people, especially in today’s instant gratification
culture, hate the idea.
No matter how much
pain a habit causes us we will stick with the addiction as long as it
doesn’t hurt too badly. This is why therapists and other coaches help people
develop substitute new behaviors and rewards that are themselves gratifying.
In hypnotherapy, we begin with a new positive, healthy vision of the client
as a non-smoker, sober and clean man or woman, moderate eater,
health-oriented moderate eater, enthusiastic exerciser or whatever the
desired change is. Personal change can be a joyful experience provided we
allow it to be so.
The colonial
leaders had reached a point in the mid 1770s where they felt that half
measures would avail them nothing. They saw themselves at a turning point
and chose to make a clean break with their overseas’ masters. They left no
room for ambiguity when they declared "That these colonies are, and of Right
ought to be Free and Independent States: that they are Absolved from all
Allegiance to the British Crown and that all political connection between
them and the State of Great Britain is and ought to be totally dissolved."
When they signed these words they literally committed their lives to the
cause of freedom. If the revolution failed they knew they had just signed
their death warrant.
To free oneself of
an addiction begins with a similar bold declaration that the person has gone
to war with the habit and intends to separate from it absolutely. Those who
allow themselves to hold out a way back have a much harder road than those
who simply say I am through with this. I no longer want this addiction
(habit) in my life. The alcoholic who accepts that one drink is too much and
a thousand is not enough is on the road to recovery. Smokers, or other drug
addicts, who understand that one cigarette will likely get them hooked
again, save themselves the trouble of reaching new, lower bottoms. The
overeater who allows himself or herself little treats whenever life seems
too bleak or demanding has already lost the battle. It is just a matter of
time before they are back where they started.
It is interesting
that we celebrate July 4th, 1776 as our national Independence Day rather
than when the date in 1783 when the Treaty of Paris was signed and Britain
formally conceded America’s independence. After all, on July 4, 1776 America
was definitely not free of British domination. Americans used British
currency. British soldiers were garrisoned throughout the colonies. Our
practical day-to-day government was under British control. Our official
church was The Church of England whose head was King George. And, as much as
1/3 of our population was adamantly opposed to independence. They considered
themselves loyal to the Crown and would even fight for their beliefs. But,
in a very real sense, The United States Independence did begin that July
4th. Because we declared ourselves free, we were free. True, it required
effort and perseverance to make our freedom a practical reality. Yet from
this point onward we were a nation.
The power of a
declaration is that it stands on its own without evidence. When a person
declares himself or herself a non-smoker, their friends and family adopt a
"wait and see" attitude. There may still be a world of repercussions from
the active addictions. Bills unpaid. Health problems from mild to life
threatening. Legal issues unsettled. Personal relations damaged. And, yes, a
diminished self-esteem. But by taking steps and persevering, reality
eventually gets in step with the change. Coaches, therapists and other
support people, myself included, help the habit changer map out a plan for
change. We then encourage them to follow the plan never forgetting the clear
vision of their personal declaration of independence.
So, when in the
course of human events, we reach a point where we are no longer willing to
pay the price for our habits or addictions, the first step is to make a
Personal Declaration of Independence. Declare yourself free of this
addiction once and forever. The second is to begin to live, as though it
were so one day at a time. As we would say in 21st century America "fake it
till you make it." As Thomas Jefferson said, "Do not expect to be translated
from despotism to liberty on a featherbed." The third step is to get help.
The United States didn’t gain independence without substantial assistance
from both Spain and France. It made us no less independent of Britain that
we had allies. Nor will it make you any less independent of your habits to
work with a professional, join a group, or just enlist the help of a close
friend.
The fourth step is
to continue to celebrate your independence. Habits have a way of sneaking
back when we least expect it. Just as the British decided to try to regain
their "colonies" in 1812, addictions lie in wait looking for a moment of
weakness. Be grateful for the change and be vigilant for any threats against
your independence. Get it right and you can look forward to happy
Independence Days in the years to come.
How
hypnosis can help
Hypnosis can
be the shot heard round the world in your personal life. It can be the
impetus that pushes you out of complacency into action. And it can strength
your motivation and belief in your own ability to success. It can also make
the old habits seem unpleasant and instill new positive ones in their place.
Interested in
breaking free?
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your first hypnosis appointment or arrange a free 15-20 minute consultation to
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